10 More Days....

Feeling kinda down today. Working on my Gay Romance mini-series, but the impetus is kinda diminished. I'll get it back. But... right now there's a weird feeling going on inside. I am a student of Luciferian philosophy. Hardly a master, but the desire to implement the rebellious mentality against conditioned thinking is paramount. I was, as I like to describe it, a Calvary Chapel, born-again and raised Christian. I'm not proud of it. Given my questioning of the Bible over 18 years ago, and what I discovered and heard from others in the born-again groups, I am convinced it is just 'this side' of a cult. When you're told by someone who is a die-hard Calvary Chapel congregant that: (Quote-unquote) "You need to be held accountable by someone in spiritual authority" and you have 'red flags' flying up the flagpoles into the thermosphere, you KNOW something is not right with that teaching. Any religion that pushes their 'spiritual authority' crap in your face, the first question you NEED to ask yourself is this: God isn't spiritual authority enough? I have to put my path in the hands of a fallible man? My very first question that spawned the domino effect of further questions and research. Within a year I was learning enough to force me to turn away from both the church and the Bible and not necessarily in that order.

Given that I had friends who took my hand and helped me transition from Christianity to Paganism was a plus. They'd already gone through years before what I was going through in that moment. And now, since March of this year, I have gone from Wicca/Witchcraft to Luciferian/Satanism. I like the rebel-think-for-yourself mentality. But... I am a theist. Not a Biblical theist... that God can take a flying leap, tyvm. But I do believe in a creative life force, and that when we die our souls move on to another incarnation or path. So, I am a Theistic Luciferian/Satanist. I definitely hold with the ideas of this world being a school, and we're here to experience emotion, situations, experiences in order to expand our consciousness.

So, been struggling with Atheism being a huge part of the Satanic groups. There are some Theistic ones, but I don't agree that Satan is an actual being or entity. Or that Lucifer is Satan like the Christian's believe. I'm researching Lucifer's origins, but so far what I do know is that, given the definition of Lucifer, Jesus himself was a Lucifer. Prometheus, Enki, so many others in mythological heritage are considered Luciferian: Light bringers... the light of knowledge. I am a theist. I believe that I am God, I have no problem with that part of Luciferian/Satanist philosophy. I also believe that I work with, not worship, entities that are in the ethereal/spiritual realm. So, the last few days, I'm realizing that I can be both.

That conditioning of a god outside of us, that we have to invite inside... still with me, and it bugs the shit out of me. But coming to the realization that I am already of divine nature, I just need to embrace it, understand it, and love it. There's no reason why I can't. And yeah, it float my boat to think that way.

It still leaves me a bit reeling and feeling like I'm walking on a tight rope. Remember I said 'this side' of a cult? When you've been conditioned to think a certain and then years later realize you can think differently... try setting that conditioned way of thinking aside. I dare ya'. See how far you get. It's taken me over 18 years to realize this and retrain my thinking. I'm not there yet. But I've just started.

Ave' Satanas. Let There Be Light.

-J.C.R.-